Happily married couples will tell you that it doesn’t matter how long you have been together or what type of relationship you have, there is just something about marriage that makes you feel like you have more of a connection. But, what is marriage all about? And, how can you make sure your marriage lasts as long as you expect it to? Following are some marriage quotes that give insight into what a healthy marriage consists of and other important things that someone who is married or thinking about getting married would want to know.
1. Don’t Focus On The Negative For A Happy Marriage
What’s the secret to marriages that last despite the annoying or frustrating habits of their partner? How do they make it through the negative times when one is being a little less than perfect? They focus on the positive and not the negative. They don’t dwell on what the other person does wrong. They don’t dwell on the bad times in the relationship. And, during tough days, they find a positive to focus on to help them avoid saying or doing something that could start an argument in the relationship.
For instance, instead of focusing on how grumpy their spouse is, they will focus on how loving they normally are. That helps them to avoid reacting to their spouse’s grumpiness and saying or doing something that makes them both grumpy!
2. Marriage Teaches You How To Be Unselfish
When two people come together, you have to think about ‘we’, not ‘me’. You have to think about their needs and wants. You have to take them into consideration before you make big or small decisions. It really becomes a partnership where you sometimes have to make sacrifices so that both you and your spouse can be happy. If you are selfish in the marriage, one of two things will happen: it won’t last or it will be full of unhappiness.
3. You Got To Be Friends Too
T.D. Jakes has counselled thousands of marriages over the years, and, of course, he has been in his own marriage for years, so he knows a thing or two about making marriages work. This is one of the marriage quotes that a lot of people don’t understand, but you will hear some level of it from every happy couple. Friendship in a marriage is important.
Many people think they that their spouse is separate in some way from their friends, but that’s where the marriage can get into trouble. Your friends are people you have fun with, confide in, get support from, and feel loved by. Shouldn’t that describe your spouse?
In fact, I would say that your spouse should be your best friend. Even Justin Timberlake has said, “It’s nice to marry your best friend,” when talking about Jessica Biel. Your best friend is who you reach out to first when things are good or bad, and when you turn to someone outside of the relationship before you turn to your spouse, a disconnect is created. It’s as if they are not as important as your best friend, and you both feel that truth when it boils down to it.
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4. How Important Is Sexual Intimacy?
Research has shown that everyone prefers a different level of intimacy in their relationship. That means that ‘a good sexual relationship’ may not be sex every night for one couple, but it may be for another couple. The important part is that both people in the marriage feel satisfied sexually. When they are both satisfied, then it is not an issue. But, when one person becomes unsatisfied, then all kinds of problems can arise. A disconnect will be felt, without a doubt, and that disconnect will affect everything from the trust to the communication.
5. Marriage Is About Compromise
Lee and Morty Kaufman have been married for 44 years. Both were widowed at an early age and in their 40s they got remarried to each other. At the time of this quote, they were both 91. They were asked what makes a marriage last, and Morty was quick to point out the above cute little quote that has some truth in it.
Sometimes you have to give in to let go and move on. However, when love is involved in the relationship, this isn’t always so hard. If you love someone, and you want to see them happy, letting them get their way once in a while doesn’t hurt anything in yourself.
6. Married To An Entrepreneur?
We all know how serious Kevin O’Leary is about business, and the fact is that more and more people are becoming entrepreneurs to create the life that they want. This doesn’t fit the 9-5 lifestyle that many marriages are used to, so it requires a little bit of a different attitude towards time commitment and how the marriage runs.
As Kevin says, if you are marrying an entrepreneur, you have to be prepared for a rocky time in terms of time allocation. If you can’t do that, then the marriage will fail. But, if you can stick with the non-traditional marriage for a while, then you and your family will be rewarded with a lifestyle later on down the road where there is more than enough time together.
7. Married And Single Are Completely Different
This is a fact! In a marriage, your life changes, which means your time is used differently. Any married person can tell you that the above quote can feel like a reality. They will also tell you that if their spouse goes away for a few days, they can feel the difference and start to remember what being single felt like. In some ways, it’s a good thing and in some ways it’s a bad thing, but it is different.
The point is you have to expect this difference in life and deal with it. In marriage, you need to compromise with another person on all the big issues, and you will need to live with them. Chores, errands, appointments, and arguments are a part of doing that.
8. The Right Person Won’t Make Marriage Work Better
This is something to remember as you look at your husband or wife and think, “Maybe I didn’t marry the right person.” You chose that person for a reason, and there is not one other person out there who you would have had a better or a perfect marriage with. That’s because marriage comes down to the things you do and the action you take to improve it.
You could be married to a complete stranger and make it work if you do the right things and follow the right plan. Remember that as you contemplate the choice you made at picking a spouse. It may be time to start contemplating the choices you are making in your marriage.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should stay with someone who uses you or abuses you. But, if your marriage has lost its passion, or if you have started arguing more, or if you have created a lot of barriers between you, then look at your actions in the marriage instead of wishing you had gone a different way.
9. You CAN Do Marriage!
During a tough time in your marriage, there will be a moment where you just want to give up or get out of your marriage. Let’s face it, when you would rather not compromise or do anything else that is required in a marriage, being single may seem like a pretty appealing option.
So how do you move on from that thought? You remember why you are ‘doing’ marriage. You remember the good things about marriage, the benefits of it, the love you feel for your spouse, and the desire to have a marriage that keeps you happy and fulfilled in a way that you could never have as a single person.
Remembering the biggest complaints about being single can help you appreciate your marriage more too. They are feeling alone in the world, not having someone to depend on, not having someone to share things with, and not having a connection with someone that no one else gets to have with you. Appreciate the good things about marriage. Also remember that you CAN do marriage because it is so beneficial for your health and happiness when it works.
10. Speak Positively For A Better Marriage
We are all quick to point out something negative in someone else, especially if we speak before we think. The fact is that in a marriage a lot of negative thoughts are going to arise, but that doesn’t mean you should speak them!
As Gary Chapman also pointed out, you can say something positive to your spouse and make them want to be better, or you can say something negative or critical to them and make your spouse dislike you and make them feel bad. They are only going to be made feel bad so many times before they walk away.
Always talk as positively as possible to your spouse. Use constructive criticism instead of just criticism. Also, find something good to say about them every day to uplift them, such as ‘you did that great’, ‘you are so loving’, or ‘thank you for being so awesome!’ The effect this will have on how your partner sees you and your marriage will be amazing!
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11. You Will Not Always Be The Same Person, And Neither Will Your Spouse
The person you marry may become someone slightly or completely different as you go through your marriage. This is because most of us change as we have new experiences, learn new things about ourselves, and adopt new beliefs. It’s true that some people will stay the same throughout their whole lives because they are scared of pushing their boundaries or learning more about what they want from life, but most people will change in one way or the other.
If you really want to make the marriage work, then you have to understand this about yourself and your partner, and not beat yourself or them up about it. Instead, you should go with the flow. Constantly teach your spouse about who you are becoming, and let them teach you about who they are becoming, and then work with the information you get to relate to each other better.
12. You Have To Like Being Around Each Other
It’s funny that people say Hollywood marriages are harder, but Kevin Bacon says that a marriage is a marriage, and he doesn’t see the difference. But when it comes to why his marriage is working, he says that his marriage as more fun than work, and the big thing is that they enjoy each other’s company.
I think when two people stop enjoying being around each other, then the relationship goes downhill fast. If you got married, then you enjoyed each other’s company at one point! It’s just matter of getting back to the point of enjoying being around each other again in whatever way you can.
13. Don’t Stop Kissing Passionately
Jill Dictrow is a therapist with a specialty in relationships and sex. It’s interesting that when we first meet someone, we can barely stop thinking about kissing them, and when we do, it’s magical and sends shivers down our spines. But, when we get married, we barely give our partners a peck on the lips day in and day out, and when it comes to being intimate, kissing is often the last thing we do where it used to be the first thing.
I know a lot of people who are unhappy with the kissing in their marriage. It lacks enthusiasm. It makes them think that their partner no longer cares. I know one woman who used to be kissed so passionately by her husband that it made her dizzy, but now he kisses her like her Grandma used to kiss her!
In short, this is one those marriage quotes that may not seem like much, but it is very important to remember. Kissing is at the hub of romance, and if it is starting to feel like you are kissing your Grandma, then how do you think that’s going to affect the rest of the marriage?
14. We All Live In Different Realities
This is an important quote! No two people see or experience everything in the same way, which means that no two realities are the same… even if you are with a spouse that you love and get along with on many different levels. Your perception and their perception of what is happening can be widely different about the smallest of things, such as how great a TV show was, to the biggest of things, such as whether or not you are spending enough time together.
That’s why it is important to communicate. Communication will help you avoid misunderstandings and work through things when you are not seeing stuff in the same way.
A great example of this is intimacy. You may think the intimacy in your relationship is just fine. That’s your reality, though. For your spouse, the intimacy may be lacking, and if you don’t acknowledge their reality, then you are going to have some big problems!
15. Sometimes One Thing Can Completely Shift Your Relationship
This is another one of the marriage quotes from a relationship coach, and I have seen this truth countless times in my life. When your marriage feels overwhelmingly negative, and you can’t figure out how to make it better, then you may feel like aborting your marriage because it’s just not going to work out. But, I’ve seen couples go into therapy, learn one new technique to help shift things around in their marriage or one new insight that completely changes the way they see each other, and they are quickly back on track. If they had given up on their marriage they would have never known that it could’ve been amazing again!
The point is that you never know if one small shift in the way you perceive each other or the relationship could affect how the marriage goes, and you need to try out different avenues to repair the marriage before you just give up. While you may think it’s a waste of time now, if you can rekindle your relationship, you will look back with gratitude.
On that note, please don’t avoid trying a marriage counsellor! They have knowledge that even your smartest friend doesn’t have about relationships, and they may be the only route to helping you do things differently in your marriage and getting back on track.
16. Marriage Offers A Mirror For The Self
There are many times in a marriage when you are confronted with the truth about yourself. You get to see your ethics, compassion, social skills, patience, and much more very clearly. Being that close to someone and having them be such an important part of your life will do that to you!
The more open you are, the more you will learn about yourself. You have to be aware and allow yourself to see the truth behind situations that you may otherwise close your eyes to.
For instance, you may not see yourself being bossy and demanding until your partner gets really upset and tells you exactly what a jerk you are. But, if you keep your awareness open, then you will see how your words affect your spouse by small reactions they have to them, and you can confront yourself on why you feel like you need to be in control of the situation.
Another humorous marriage quote that fits into this point is by Red Skelton when he said, “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” It’s hard to deny that sometimes women are more willing to point out mistakes them men!
It’s also interesting that a lot of people are only able to start their path of personal growth after a divorce and they have to face their contribution to the demise of their marriage. If you are married right now, you don’t have to wait until a divorce to do that! Step back from the marriage, stop focusing on what your partner has done wrong, and take a good long look at yourself until you can clearly see where you need to confront yourself!
17. Support And Love Go Hand In Hand
I see so many ridiculous shows where the husband is incapable of consoling his wife. He acts like it is the weirdest thing in the world to give his wife a hug, listen to her, and help her work through major problems that she is having. In reality, their marriages wouldn’t last.
There are going to be some huge times of distress in a marriage, like a death, illness, job loss, major life issue, and financial problem. You have to support each other through those times, because if you don’t, it won’t be funny like in the TV shows where the husband doesn’t do anything… it will simply cause a lot of disconnect between the two of you where you grow apart.
Times of distress offer you a chance to grow closer. They offer you a chance to show how much you love your partner and help them get back to their normal selves. They will appreciate the love you show them, and it will strengthen your marriage.
18. Why Didn’t Marriage Make You Happier?
A friend of mine has a relationship blog, and this is a very hard concept for unhappy single people to understand. But, unhappy married people, who thought that getting married was going to make them happier, should really be able to see this marriage quote for what it is.
You are an individual who makes your own decisions and has your own way of thinking. Your reality of life is what makes you happy or not happy. As we discussed, your reality is not going to change when you get married. You are not going to adopt their reality. You are going to maintain the reality you have because your beliefs and perceptions about life make up your reality. Therefore, if your reality sucks before you get married, and you are not happy, you are going to carry that into the marriage and affect it in a big way.
Your unhappiness will make the marriage less happy, not just because you are unhappy, but because you are putting a lot of demand on your spouse to make you happy, which will eventually be too much for him or her and make them unhappy.
The point is that whether you are single or married, you are the only one who can make yourself happy. If you are unhappy and blame your spouse, it may be time to look in the mirror and decide how happy you were to begin with.
19. Dates Are Essential In A Marriage
We all have a routine, and in a marriage, it becomes a way of life. Who wants to go out on a Wednesday night when you can stay in and rest in comfort? Or, who wants to go out on a Saturday afternoon for a date with the spouse when you can actually spend an afternoon reading and sipping drinks on the patio? I get it, your free time is valuable, but not as valuable as keeping your marriage strong and happy!
Dates allow you to reconnect with your spouse, share new experiences, laugh together, learn new things about each other, and feel more like partners than friends or roommates. In short, dates are essential.
Don’t know where to go? If you search for ‘date ideas’ on Google, you will get a lot of results. And if you search date ideas for your city, you will also get some interesting ideas for your next date night close to home.
20. Is The Secret To A Happy Marriage A Secret?
I think all of the above marriage quotes are definitely some secrets to a happy marriage. Remembering that perfection is not possible, problems are going to happen, and that the marriage takes work, makes it very clear that having happiness all the time in a marriage – even in the best marriage, is impossible.
Moreover, what works for one marriage may not work for another marriage. This is evident in how differently people can approach marriage. Some people include more than two people in their marriage. Some people go out and share intimate moments with other people or couples. Some people have 20 kids while other people have none. There is no cookie cutter way of being married, which means there is no cookie cutter way of being happy.
The secret is to be yourself in the marriage and allow your partner to be themselves. It’s to have your marriage the way that you two want it to be and ignore what other people tell you that you should do. Your happiness is unique, just like you, and as long as you and your spouse feel confident with your marriage, that’s all that really matters.
21. In Sickness And In Health
During our vows, we swear to be with our spouse in sickness and in health, but we don’t actually expect the sickness! Physical and mental illness are so common nowadays that I don’t know one couple who is not dealing with sickness at some capacity. It’s there and it can be a big influence on the marriage because we just want our spouse to go back to the way they were – vibrant, happy, healthy, and full of energy. But, the truth is that they may never get back there, and we need to adapt in order to carry on.
I know one couple who have been married for almost 50 years. About 15 years into the marriage, he was diagnosed with lupus, and life quickly changed. He was too tired to work, so their income changed. He became depressed and didn’t want to do anything, and stayed that way for years. He became so stuck in his daily routine that going on vacation wasn’t something he wanted to do, and when they did, he complained and made it miserable the whole time. In short, their whole marriage dynamic changed, and she had to learn how to cope with it in order to stay happy with herself and the marriage.
Facing sickness is not something we consider, but it’s something to deal with when it comes. Remember, sickness can affect you and your spouse in a very big way, and it’s important to be patient, understanding, and strong as individuals.
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